Suicide Bombers Are Surprisingly Bad At Their Jobs

“Bombing Afghanistan back into the Stone Age” was quite a favourite headline for some wobbly liberals . . . But an instant’s thought shows that Afghanistan is being, if anything, bombed out of the Stone Age.” —Christopher Hitchens

In A Nutshell

It seems hardly a day goes by that we don’t hear about a suicide bombing in the Middle East. Hundreds are killed each year by Islamic fundamentalists, many of them innocent civilians. But the problem could be far worse; luckily, many suicide bombers are amazingly unsuccessful at their job—only 50 percent of Taliban suicide bombings are successful.

The Whole Bushel

There is something particularly terrifying about fighting an enemy that is not afraid to die. Such was the philosophy behind the Japanese kamikaze pilots of World War II and the modern proliferation of suicide bombers in the Middle East. Prior to the early 1980s, the practice was comparatively rare, but attacks by the Hezbollah during the Lebanese Civil War brought it into ugly focus. Other groups that have used suicide bombers include the Tamil Tigers of Sri Lanka, Palestinian militants like Hamas, and Chechen separatists.

Fortunately for those who would be victimized by such extremists, bombing is dangerous and sophisticated work, requiring extensive training. Many amateurs who attempt it succeed in doing little more than killing themselves (only about 50 percent of suicide bombings are successful), and many accidents occur.

In May 2013, a Taliban member died when his explosive vest went off prematurely, likely saving a dozen or more lives. Even more ridiculous, sources at the United Nations claim that in July 2009, six bombers in Paktika, Afghanistan died when they attempted a group hug before deploying to kill innocents. Later on that year, a group of Talibs died while transporting an IED (improvised explosive device) in the province of Balkh.

On Christmas Day in 2009, Nigerian Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab attempted to blow up a transatlantic flight from Amsterdam to Detroit with a bomb in his underwear (thus earning himself a litany of embarrassing nicknames). Although Umar’s father is one of the richest men in Africa and he could have lived a life of privilege, he fell in with al-Qaeda during his world travels. As the flight approached Detroit, Umar went into the bathroom for a long time, then emerged with a blanket draped over his legs. A few minutes later, other passengers smelled smoke and found Umar with his pants on fire. He was subdued, his legs covered in burns from the failed detonation.

Show Me The Proof

The Case for Calling Them Nitwits
Suicide bomber dies in failed attack in Kabul
Profile: Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab

  • Brp Goyo

    America should train them more 😀

    • Rijul Ballal

      Brilliant idea!

      • Brp Goyo

        And you are surprisingly bad at making statements that make a statement over the internet, and I tell you nig there aint no training foh that.

  • adamhs

    Group hug! *boom*

  • YO!MY NAME IS REAL SLIM ShADY

    How about get the fuck out of Afganistan ,save money ,save marines, save afgans , save resource and spent it on something like on Africa !!!!

    • philipmarie

      Or Mexican drug cartels…

  • gillybean

    It’s hard to have sympathy for their failure, given what their aim is. I do kind of wonder what you would have to say/do to a person to make them believe that suicide bombs are the best way forward. Sad, sad situations.

    • celeѕтнra

      The reason why they’re so unafraid to die is because when Muslim guys does jihad (which means sacrificing oneself or making sacrifices for the sake of the religion), they would be awarded with seven virgin girls each. Yep. Seven virgin girls.

      • gillybean

        Stil kinda crazy. What if they’re wrong? Then someone just sacrificed their one shot at actual life for no virgins, no heaven. Madness.

      • Jasmin Muhamedagić

        That’s actually completely false..You cannot kill an innocent human being and consider it Jihad, they are definitely going to hell.

  • hoof

    What’s with the upside down Toyota emblem?

    • g_liu

      Contraband cars

  • ll1GG3R

    This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. Ya, only 50% are successful. That’s not so bad, right? Fuck you. Don’t trivialize something so completely horrible.

  • rhijulbec

    Don’t understand the fanaticism, never will. The terrible losses everywhere by these actions sadden me. To think a mother would be proud of her child doing this is anathema to me. Having had a child die I cannot imagine condoning this.

  • Blackaton

    Experienced suicide bombers are in very short supply.

    • Snap N McGarrett

      ^^This. Boom