Female Hyenas Have A Larger Penis Than Males Do

By Joshua T. Garcia on Thursday, October 10, 2013
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“Women wear the breeches.” —Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy

In A Nutshell

If there’s anything Kindergarten Cop taught us, it’s that boys have penises and girls have vaginas. Except when they don’t. The female hyena’s clitoris is so large, it’s essentially a penis (and larger than all the boys’ junk).

The Whole Bushel

The female spotted hyena runs things in the cackle. Males are submissive, cautious, and fearful. For hyenas, size matters, and the female’s clitoris is larger than any male’s penis.

The female has no external vagina. She urinates and mates through her penis-like shaft—which, by the way, is capable of an erection. Even more confusing, a sac of fat and tissue, covered in thick hair, hangs behind the 18-centimeter (7 in) clitoris like some cruel mockery of the male’s scrotum.

Naturally, mating with two penises is difficult. Males need a great deal of practice to get things right. After the male submits to the female—which includes comparing sizes—she will roll the clitoris up to create an entrance for the male’s penis, which he must somehow curve upward and inward to make sex possible.

If he succeeds in impregnating the female, she’ll have to face a reality men can only joke about with winced expressions: giving birth through a penis.

During pregnancy, the female hyena will pump her babies (male and female) with extra doses of androgen, which is associated with masculine aggression. This ensures that the massive clitoris–cycle continues and gives males the boost they need to be able to mate with macho females.

The cubs don’t leave Mom unscathed on their way out. A 1-kilogram (2 lb) cub has to fit through a 2.5-centimeter (1 in) birth canal. At best, the clitoris is torn, causing a wound that takes weeks to heal. At worst, birth can be fatal. Around 20 percent of mothers die during childbirth.

No one knows for sure why the female spotted hyena developed this trait. But it does grant her authority in hyena society on the African savannah, where the female leads the hunt, feast, and social life.

Show Me The Proof

NatGeo: Hyena Sex (video)
The Painful Realities of Hyena Sex

  • Kaydot Mcdiamonds

    Ouch…….. As if giving birth through a vagina isn’t bad enough! But i really do wish human males could give birth. That would be funny.

    • ElBandito

      Eh…evolution has screwed them from being able to do that. Even if they somehow could, their pelvises would crack and fracture. So it’s still our job anyway.

      The amazing this is that there is a variety of animal societies even in the most brutal and harsh environments. Even in a land that has drought, scorpions, other large predators and famine, animals like the hyenas can still function as a group, and it works in these circumstances.

      • Garet Thomas Rehling

        evolution…………….how does this adaptation benefit the Hinayana? 20% of births are fatal to the mother………….nice. all evolutionists hail blind faith.

        • Exiled Phoenix

          All thiests hail to blind faith….. We at least seek answers.

          • Ray

            I bet your seeking the answer for your retardation.

          • Exiled Phoenix

            You sir are nothing more than an amusing troll. I find your comments to hold no rebuttal just petty snipes because that is all hateful people like you know.

            It amuses me to toy with you and cause you anger.

          • Ray

            I’m not upset retard

          • Exiled Phoenix

            Hi follower… glad to see you still bowing down.

          • Ray

            Is the little baby trying to annoy me? Let me get your baba and your bankey.

          • Exiled Phoenix

            Lol, its called a “Binky” not a “Bankey” maybe if you had a life and family, you’d know that.
            Or maybe just get laid so you wouldn’t be so angry lol.

          • Ray

            The only person that’d have voluntarily have sex with a retard like you is yourself or maybe if you rape one of your relatives but, that’s not voluntary.

        • ElBandito

          Well. The fact of the matter is that their species still exists after more than two thousand years.

          • lonelydisco

            And what kind of God would force this upon hyenas?

        • Mahdi Martin

          If they didn’t have a high mortality rate, there would most likely be too many hyenas. Evolution doesn’t only benefit a particular species, but the entire ecosystem. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

    • OnlineGamer

      Never! Disliked ur comment

  • inconspicuous detective

    and then there was this fact. if anyone out there believes in intelligent design, PLEASE explain this mess. i dare you.

    • Ray

      Your existence disproves intelligent design.

      • inconspicuous detective

        you asked your mother to flame for you i see. there’s no way you could’ve used the correct “your” AND managed to spell design correctly in the same sentence yourself.

        • Ray

          Your grammar is so bad, it looks like that was written by a monkey. That must be a product of your mother having sex with you rather than helping.

          • inconspicuous detective

            can you please stop? for one i’m kicking your arse, and for another thing this flaming just makes the site look bad. it’s a no win situation for you.

          • Ray

            How old are you? 5?

          • hptessla

            The grammar wouldn’t be a product of his pairing with his mother. The simian result is a possibility of their coupling.

    • Rosalie Kitchen

      God was on a drunken bender?

  • Jessikah

    FINALLY! A place in nature where the females dominate! I heard that female hyena cubs will often kill their own sisters in an act of dominance too. Little cute baby cubs! Viciously killing one another…it’s hard to imagine even though there’s a video on YouTube about it.

    • inconspicuous detective

      there are many, many places in nature where the females dominate the males. in spiders, in great white sharks, hyena packs (or cackles, i’m not sure if that’s what a group of them is), a lion pride (they can, will, and do kick males out that they don’t want), elephants (led by a matriarch, very few males in the group), etc. nature gives females large advantages due to having to rear the children and defend them as well as themselves. it’s fascinating to look into.

      • ElBandito

        Dont forget the anglerfish!!

    • Guest

      This is very true although in a lion pride, males often overtake female prides if there are no males already in it and therefore will kill any cubs that are not his. The lion is a bit more involved than the hyena. Hyena females dominate everywhere where as lionesses only dominate in certain areas.

  • celeѕтнra

    Ah yes, penis.

    • lonelydisco

      Pseudo-.

      • http://websdr.ewi.utwente.nl:8901/m.html the Illuminati

        This band got their name because one of their school teachers referred to the clitorises as rudimentary peni. It sounds like he’s saying something about Obama in the beginning, but he’s saying “peanut farmer”. I’m pretty sure the title was in reference to the fact America will never have a black president. Or maybe that’s England; it’s an English band. I don’t think they have presidents there, though. They’ll sure as shit never have a black king, though. I think Idi Amin was a Scottish king or something, but that’s a little different.

        https://youtu.be/ce2oL0VZEJA

        • lonelydisco

          Yeah, a little. It involves meat hooks.

          • http://websdr.ewi.utwente.nl:8901/m.html the Illuminati

            Oh, so you watched that movie with Forrest Whitaker, too?

          • lonelydisco

            Am planning to.

          • http://websdr.ewi.utwente.nl:8901/m.html the Illuminati

            Ooh… you read about it. Well, aren’t we fancy?

          • lonelydisco

            Very.

          • http://websdr.ewi.utwente.nl:8901/m.html the Illuminati

            Those whatnots are starting to supersede the so forths. Time for bed; so sleepy. Typically I prefer a heavy dose of so forths and a little whatnottery to take the edge off, but a lot of whatnot with a little bit of so forth to keep you up and about can be nice, too. So sleepy; g’night.

  • The Ou7law

    If you want to get anywhere with a woman than they are always right so if she claims to have a bigger penis then damnit so be it

  • http://www.seguebythesea.com/ segue

    Perhaps this will be a shock to some males but, at least in human females, clitoral engorgement during sexual arousal is the rule, not some kind of rare exception.

    • xanxibar

      that’d only be a shock to a male who’s never had sex with a female, or at least never gone down on one.

  • Errkism

    No words can describe the atrocities of giving birth through a penis. The thought makes me cringe.

  • http://penissizemen.blogspot.com/ rimsha cute

    I think boys with large size are prefered

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  • dysamoria

    External vagina? You mean vulva?

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