The Worst Hotel In The World Is Getting Even Worse

“Uncontrolled variation is the enemy of quality.” —Edward Deming

In A Nutshell

If you’re looking for a cheap place to stay while you’re in Amsterdam, the Hans Brinker Budget Hotel is for you. For around €28 ($40) a night, you can get a place to stay . . . and that’s about it. The hotel markets itself as the worst hotel in the world, and it’s probably true. You might not get any towels, your sheets might not be clean, there’s probably going to be some excrement or vomit (or both!) on your shoes at some point . . . but it certainly is cheap!

The Whole Bushel

Laziness or epic marketing? Whichever it is, the Hans Brinker Budget Hotel is at least honest about the quality (or lack thereof) of their service and their rooms. A series of videos spotlight the high points of a stay at the Hans Brinker, and it’s about what you would expect from the self-proclaimed Worst Hotel in the World.

Booking a room in the Hans Brinker gets you exactly what you pay for. The hotel prides itself on being accidentally eco-friendly, as there’s no wasted energy on such luxuries like television, mini-bars, phones, or, in some cases, lighting. Even the heating and cooling system is eco-friendly and easy to operate—open the window. Staff don’t negatively impact the environment, either, as they don’t actually do much.

Showers may or may not work. (Those that don’t? You guessed it. Eco-friendly.) Towels and bedsheets may or may not be washed, either. An eco-courtyard is solar heated . . . when there’s sunlight. And there certainly aren’t any little bottles of shampoo and conditioner or any soap, but if you’re lucky, there will still be some toilet paper left on the roll.

There’s usually more than one guest to a room (seven or eight is more typical), and guests are allowed the use of battered metal lockers to keep valuables safe.

Or not.

But, the doors might actually lock (you’ll be sharing with strangers, anyway) so who’s to say you’d even need a locker?

The Hans Brinker web site advertises that there’s no room service, no bellboy, and certainly nothing nice like a swimming pool or gym. (We’re guessing those wouldn’t be eco-friendly additions.) But there is a restaurant and bar, and, that’s right, they say they serve eco-friendly food and drink. (Leftovers.) Need parking? Out of luck on that, too.

Staying there will allow you to experience one of the few services that they do offer. Sadly, that’s improving your immune system.

And just in case you’re not sure whether or not it’s the place for you to stay, they’re thoughtful enough to recommend better places . . . places that probably won’t have dog excrement in the lobby and a feeling that can be described as “old abandoned insane asylum.” On their list, they put themselves right between an abandoned mine shaft and an unmarked grave in terms of comfort, service and quality. Among their other, better options? A sleeping bag on the side of the road.

Their tongue-in-cheek marketing seems to work, though, as they often have a steady flow of, um . . . for a lack of a better word, we’ll still keep calling them guests. The hotel is centrally located, cheap, and, by all accounts, every bit as bad as they say it will be.

And it looks like they are making an effort to improve their hotel. Short videos show upgrades in progress—mostly, putting “Out of Order” signs on things that don’t work, putting empty candy wrappers on pillows, and improving the presentation of their chips and ketchup plate.

At least there’s still honesty in marketing somewhere.

Reviews on the hotel are sketchy, and if you’re trying to book a hotel room from afar, they can’t be relied upon. Clean but plain, or the cesspool of filth and low-budget accommodations? We guess you’ll have to stay to really find out.

We think we’ll pass.

Show Me The Proof

Official web site of The Hans Brinker (Make sure you watch the videos in ‘Stuff’!)
BBC Travel: Amsterdam hotel proud to be the world’s worst
Reserve a room at the hotel

  • CSisonweb

    I’ll call that bluff.

  • Andy West

    I once stayed at a hotel in Wales that was awful, the owners were up there with Fred and Rosemary West as undesirables you’d never want to stumble across. Maybe some of their nastiness rubbed off because one day I accidentally killed their cat by feeding it a live and rather large eel. I sequestered another cat of similar appearance from the town, placed the deceased’s collar firmly around it’s neck and went about my business. By the end of our sojourn the hotel owners had become much nicer, due in part I believe to the cat which they truly thought was their own being more affectionate.

    • CSisonweb

      Have you seen Morris’s Grindr account? Hit him up.

  • ScepticSid

    I stayed in a worse hotel in Egypt. Filthy rooms and sheets,no blankets, duvets or towels.No food or drink available apart from what was staining the floor attracting herds of cockroaches. Surly staff who watched the TV at top volume all night which made the constant power failures something of a relief and when we checked out we were charged extra for having a room with a bath even though the water had been off since we arrived.

  • Richard Duport

    I once had the displeasure of staying in the HEM Hotel (also in amsterdam) it has got to be equally as shitty. I awoke in the middle of the night to find a mouse crawling up the curtain just two feet away from my face! Later during my stay I went out for a smoke and this homeless man approached me and asked me if i had any PCP. I gave him a half smoked joint i had in my pocket and he went on his way. It was pretty cheap though, wouldn’t recommend it.

    • TheMadHatter

      You had curtains? Good for you!

      • Lisa 39

        That was great, i love that show!

  • Koki

    I’m soooo tempted to check into this hotel

  • UN

    Article Stinks!!

  • oouchan

    I’ll pass as well. You have to be desperate or loony to stay there. I’d like some comfort, clean items and no thank you to sharing a room. Kinda creepy. I’ll spend the extra amount to stay at a place that won’t infect me or see me killed in the middle of the night.

    Wow.

  • Benthe

    They’ve got quite a good rating on TripAdvisor

  • lbatfish

    The cheapest hotel room that I ever stayed in was a match in some ways — total floor area not much larger than a sheet of plywood, tiny bed with very worn sheets, shared bathroom and no ventilation (or aircon).

    However, it was at least clean, no bugs and cost only $1.50 (!) per night. So I can’t really complain.

    • oouchan

      I’ve always wanted to try the capsule or tube motel in Japan. It costs around ¥2000-4000 (or US $14-$28). Sounds like fun. 🙂

      • lbatfish

        For an even cheaper simulation, visit a funeral home and pretend to be interested in buying a casket. But then insist that you’ll need to give it an overnight “test drive” before you’ll make a commitment to buy.

        • oouchan

          bwahahahahaha!