The Man Who Had Sex With ‘Airwolf’

“Why can’t we hover like regular helicopter people?” —Dominic Santini, Airwolf

In A Nutshell

By all accounts, Washington State resident Edward Smith is an average sort of a guy with a not-so-average secret: He’s a mechanophile—someone who can only get turned on by vehicles. During his life, he’s had sex with over 1,000 cars, but that’s not his greatest achievement. His greatest achievement is that he once had sex with the helicopter from Airwolf.

The Whole Bushel

If you don’t remember Airwolf, chances are you didn’t grow up in the ’80s. Briefly: It was a cult show that tried to be the A-Team of the skies, a program where the titular helicopter would rain explosive death down on hordes of faceless henchmen . . . and Washington State man Edward Smith made it his duty to violate our childhood memories of the show in the most disgusting way possible.

See, Smith is a mechanophile—someone who gets off on getting off in vehicles. At the age of 13, he fell in love with a Corvette Stingray and has since had relationships and one-night stands with over 1,000 cars. This is where it gets a bit creepy: Since Smith isn’t a millionaire, he rarely owns the vehicles he lusts after. This means a great deal of that 1,000 came from showrooms or were just sitting unlocked in their owner’s driveway when Smith made his move. All of which brings us to Airwolf.

As with many TV and movie vehicles, Airwolf had a “life” away from the screens. At some point, this life brought the helicopter into the world of Edward Smith. Although he is unclear on the circumstances, Smith saw his chance and took it. Horrifyingly, disgustingly, he had sex with Airwolf, later claiming in an interview with British newspaper The Telegraph that it was his “most intense sexual experience.” So, to sum this “nut” up in as few words as possible: Meet Edward Smith, the man who ruined your childhood.

Show Me The Proof

The Telegraph: Man admits having sex with 1,000 cars
Huffington Post: Edward Smith, Man Who Has Had Sex With 999 Cars, Ready To Commit To VW Beetle (VIDEO)

  • Arjan Hut

    I think there must be a lot of closet mechanophiles out there.

    • Phil_42

      I somehow doubt that.

      • evan young

        I seen a show about them, they’re out to violate your cars. Beware

        • Efamore

          I saw a show on TLC where this guy admitted to having sex with his car that was also a “he” apparently. It was very creepy. I feel sorry for these people, even though its so sick and twisted, what a horrible way to live your life! Not being able to be aroused by normal humans…having relationships with inanimate objects that can’t talk back, can’t think for itself…what kind of life is that??

          • seahen

            A life uncomplicated by having to figure out dating and romance.

  • bob mcbobberson

    but how? Does he just grind on it, or does he find a hole of suitable size somewhere on the machine

  • Hadeskabir

    I didn’t even know this existed. How the hell does he make love to a car or helicopter? Does he just masturbate inside or something? Oh well it wasn’t a show I knew so my childhood memory isn’t ruined.

    • Antler44

      He yanked his dick inside the exhaust pipe

  • John End

    Jerking off inside of a car is having sex with it? Man have I had sex with a lot of houses and beds then.

    • Ray

      Homo

  • HockeyFan69

    Not only must I worry about my car getting broken into when I leave it alone, but now it might get raped. Wonderful.

    • Mumbo

      All depends on your definition of “broken into” I suppose. :/

      • Joanna Deerfield

        Lmfao, best reply yet !

  • Retropical

    Well, after seeing what the guy looks like it this article didn’t surprise me.

  • Kate

    I dislike how this was written so condecendingly.

    • Chester

      The guy had sex with a bloody helicopter how else was the author supposed to write it…1.Having sex with a helicopter=not cool 2. If writing about someone having sex with a helicopter make sure your readers know that hey helicopter sex = not cool. 3. Not cool!

    • sumshine213

      your makeup and outfit is condescending. and if you think a sick f**** like this guy should be protected… you’re dumb. this is a way sex offenders start off. look it up. its true. its people like you who think this is ok behavior. next thing you know this guy and many like him is the son of Sam, Ted bundy, the night stalker, ed geins, Jeffrey dahmer etc. wash your face and get your mind right.

      • inconspicuous detective

        i like the hair color kate has, but i support the notion that this guy is a freakazoid.

        don’t be so…rude and crass either. it discredits you.

  • elmofuddleputt

    How exactly does this work? Whooping off while running your hands over the exterior? Or one hand on your stick with the other on Air Wolfs stick like a poor mans Dutch Rudder? Or what I would think would be the more traditional technique of lubing up the tail pipe? I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this one.

  • LEDZEPPWIN

    I think slammin’ ur junk in the door constitutes a pretty tantric sexual encounter. It always works for me.

  • adamhs

    Damn it Cracked. Way to kill another part of my childhood. Airwolf.

  • Magmar

    aww isn’t that cute, he’s the most harmless “-phile” around.

  • LaPortaMA

    Puts a new spin on “George Washington Slept Here”!

  • Doone00

    I’d be more concerned about who’s masturbated on the public toilets you use every day. That’s a grosser thought.

  • Hillyard

    There are perverts out there and Morris will find them all. Listverse’s very own Chris Hanson.

  • P5ychoRaz

    From bodily fluids and hair samples we determined that… a bunch of old homeless dudes had an orgy in the car.

    Oh God.

    Yeah, it’s pretty rough stuff. Not long after that, a mama raccoon came along, and gave birth on the floor; placenta blew out all over the back window there.

    They even left you a note:

    -“Thanks for the F-shack – Love, Dirty Mike & the Boys”

  • Carla Wolf

    The same point of view play friv
    4 school games

  • trying to follow bestangrybirdgames.com